A little white man and a little white woman standing in front of a black wall have graced our bathroom entrances for decades. It’s time they go on vacation and let the newcomers have their chance at worldwide recognition. From peaches and bananas to chickens and roosters, there are a variety of creative ways to inform the public of the male and female restrooms. Therefore, let your own mind take a seat, take a load off, and discover its own favorite bathroom entrance sign. We bet you won’t be able to pick just one!
Women Are Always Right
Most of us are familiar with the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” The genius that thought of this sweet colloquial maxim certainly deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (our wives told us to say that). Women may not always be right, but even when they’re wrong, they’re still right. We’re not exactly sure how this logic has worked itself out… but our wives told us not to worry about it. Through women, all things are possible… or so we’re told.
The Farm Cat And The Rooster
If you’re looking to adopt a cat, head to your left. If you’re looking to adopt a rooster, head to your right. As we’re all aware that only women adopt cats and men only adopt roosters, these two signs should be more than self-explanatory. If you can’t connect the dots yourself, ask a close friend. They might be disgusted but they should be able to point you in the right direction for your cat or rooster adoption.
Bla Bla Bla
In some alternate universe, men would be heading into the bathroom on the right. But alas, we do not live in that world. From an early age, men are taught to keep their emotions bottled up inside, never letting them appear, even in front of the closest of friends. Therefore, it should come as no shock that the bathroom on the left is meant for your friends, family, and acquaintances of all the men in your life.
Would You Care For Any Nuts?
For starters, we have absolutely no problem with the choice of attire for this male and female squirrel couple. Some might say the decision to dress them in stereotypical gender clothing pieces is antiquated, but it gets the job done. The real issue at hand is the choice to label women as “No Nuts” while men are labeled “Nuts.” This is entirely wrong because both are equally “Nuts.” There’s no way out of this. The other issue is that these bathrooms are for squirrels, not people. Did you read the sign?
The World Is Counting On You
People, do you need any more of a warning to prevent the zombie apocalypse? All it takes is 20-seconds worth of lathered soap and warm water upon your hands to stop 99.9% of germs from spreading and potentially infecting people. Don’t let your decision to avoid washing your hands lead to your friends and family turning into zombies. Do we really need a Smokey-the-Bear type character with a slick slogan like “Only you can prevent the zombie apocalypse” to actually stop the zombie apocalypse?
Breakfast, Anyone?
Nothing beats a solid breakfast diner. A cup of fresh orange juice, two eggs over-medium, a side of hash browns, three silver dollar pancakes, and a little cup of mix fruit (for some reason) come together to create one incredible early-morning meal. Along with that orange juice, your stomach begins to rumble thanks to that large cup of coffee. When nature calls, take a quick jog over to the “little sausage” and “little egg” rooms. Just please don’t ask the chef where you should be headed…
Your Tax Dollars At Work
The janitorial staff at UCLA are vicious. College is tough, plain, and simple. But flushing your hopes and dreams down in a public higher-education restroom is a poor professional move. If the need to flush down your hopes and dreams is really needed, at least head to a classier joint to take care of such serious business. Head to a law firm or a hospital to rightfully and respectfully flush away your academic, professional, and personal dreams. If you choose to do it elsewhere, you’re wasting a flush and your time.
Clean Is Overrated
The tenacity of this fine-dining establishment is too forward. First off, we don’t need a sign insulting us as soon as we walk in. It’s in poor taste. Consequently, since we’ve been so offended, we might have another beer since we’re not the designated driver tonight. And when we return, a little bit more “carefree” than before, we’ll try our best to aim. But if that sign hasn’t been removed, we might feel the need to stand further away to avoid being offended… a second time. Let’s see how that goes…
Waka Waka Waka
To our Pacman and Ms. Pacman guests, Waka Waka Waka Waka. Thank you for stopping by our video game character-friendly arcade. If you identify with any of the following characters: Mario, Dante, Solid Snake, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Kratos, John Marston or Agent 47, please use the restroom on the left. If you identify with characters like: Princess Peach, Ivy Valentine, Sonya Blade, Wayne, Jill Valentine, or Lara Croft, please excuse yourself to the room on the right.
Organic
Natural? Yes. Erotic? Possibly… but not really. If you head into the room on the right, you will be given a half-unpeeled banana. If you head into the room on the left, you will be given two halves of a peach, seed removed. These two rooms exist to help you relax. The free fruit is purely given as a free snack. If you take issue with either of practices, we suggest you avoid this more adult-themed restaurant and bar.
A Little Refresher, If You Will
Occasionally we all need reminders on how to properly use a restroom. There’s no shame in forgetting the basics. For example, we all talk daily and yet we all suffer from word garbage coming out of our mouths from time to time. Therefore, let’s get this quick lesson out of the way. Don’t stand on the toilet seat, sit instead. Also, when you’ve finished with your clump of toilet paper, throw it in the toilet. Don’t throw it in the trashcan or on the floor, and certainly don’t take it with you when you leave the bathroom.
An X And A Y Walk Into A Bar
For those who have forgotten middle and high school science biology class, these two doors hold the “X” and “Y” chromosome combinations that make us male and female. On the left, we have “XX.” Two “X” chromosomes result in an offspring with a female sex. Men, rather males, have one “X” chromosome and one “Y” chromosome. The plan wasn’t to have two bathroom doors that essentially act as a science test, but if you walk away feeling fresh and more informed, well, maybe they’re alright after all.
Who Doesn’t Love A Good Donut?
As men are often taller, they’ve been presented as an eclair. As women are often rounder, they’re presented as a typical round doughnut. We figure the sprinkles on the round donut emphasize extra tastiness. We get this donut shop’s signage but we wish both donuts had some color to them. We want to know the life stories behind these two delectable treats. Have they always been donut models? Did they work on any other doors? What are their hopes and dreams? We wish them luck in their modeling careers.
Come One, Come All
With the number of UFOs acknowledged by the United States Government increasing yearly, it’s really only a matter of time before one of these extraterrestrials makes their way into our society. Thankfully, this space-themed door is absolutely welcoming to humans, those with disabilities, ALIENS, and other “unknowns.” We don’t want to be rude and have them go outside… if they even have digestive and excretory systems like us. We’ll find out when the time comes.
It’s A Dance Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand
Whether you’re in a club or a dance studio, friends and teachers expect you to dance even while you’re in the room of the rest. Taking a break is for slackers, individuals that don’t want their true selves to be seen. Therefore, in order to be considered a serious dancer, you must let dance infiltrate every waking moment of your life. If you don’t, we’re sorry… you just don’t have the dedication needed to become the next Jennifer Lopez or Jason Derulo.
How Not To Use A Restroom
We have no idea where this restroom sign seemed appropriate but we completely advise against this practice. We have so many questions about this sign. First, why is this creep holding the top edge of the stall divider whilst peeking over? Second, why is the woman in red? Conversely, why is the man in black? Third, WHO THOUGHT THIS SIGN WAS A GOOD IDEA? We didn’t want it to come to this, but “we’d like to talk to your manager, sign.”
The Pee Pee Dance
Old and young, we all know the pressure of performing the “pee-pee dance.” This ancient ritual has been handed down through dozens of generations, meant to pay homage to the pee gods. Our dance is a prayer that requests mercy upon our mortal bodies that we do not pee our pants today, nor any other. Any misstep will surely anger the gods, leading to a 50/50 chance you live to see the rest of your day in a plethora of yellow.
Come As You Are
Whether you’re a Golem, Cyclops, Ogre, Leprechaun, Gnome, Goblin, Fairy, Gorgon, Mermaid (or Merman), Minotaur, Centaur, Faun, Werewolf, Vampire, Griffin, Basilisk, Dragon, Hydra, Zombie, Banshee, or a mere human… you’re welcome to use this restroom. Labels do not exist here. As long as you’re capable of using such a room of power, or really just needing a moment of peace and quiet, all living, dead, undead, and immortal beings are invited to the “Whatever” room.
Dating All The Way Back To The Ancient Mayans
Leave it to the Mayans to paint such figures symbolizing the male and female form on wood doors that have lasted several hundred years. It’s almost as if these ancient paintings were actually painted just years ago. But that’s a discussion for another day. In South America, men are symbolized by this extremely straight-edged stick bug while the woman are painted as beautifully adorned female-shaped statues. No need to dig into this matter further. Men are sticks and women are beautiful statues.
Pretty Close To The Real Thing
Get your head out of the gutter. That’s gross. We hate to say it, but just about everything that you’ve been taught about the human form and reproductive systems is disappointingly wrong. Society has gone to great lengths to condition you to believe the status quo. But in reality, and we’re concerned to tell you, but men are born with beer bottles while women are born with wine glasses. We didn’t want to tell you this but it had to be done.
A Little Picasso For You
Call it a Picasso if you’d like. The difference between these two abstract bathroom signs are subtle. We believe the male is represented by the figure on the left. A large bald forehead, squared-off chin, and broad shoulders, we think, identify the men. The female on the right is painted with her lovely blue dress, her large red lips, and about four locks of hair. But then again, art is in the eye of the beholder. Hopefully mistakes entering the wrong room are quickly ignored.
Ms. Sultry Chicken
We need to find out what kind of classy yet comedic-fueled place takes the time to photoshop a chicken into a sultry evening gown to represent the ladies’ room. Unfortunately, points need to be deducted for the continued use of human arms in combination with the chicken head and torso as those two things simply don’t match. But then again, maybe the use of petite human arms, complete with the use of bracelets and purse, helps personify the type of audience that this bathroom should be representing.
Mr. Sophisticated Rooster
Like the half-human, half-chicken hybrid, the gents have been blessed with their own half-hybrid bathroom spirit animal. Sitting confidently in his leather lounge chair, this human-rooster depicts a man (or animal?) of great patience. We do take issue with the chair, though. Is this what male bathroom goers should expect when they open the door? Is this what they will feel like once the business has been taken care of? Why… why is this rooster man sitting…
Pissing Away Your Money
For one reason or another, men always seem to be pissing their money away. Like literally, this man is pissing away his Moet Champagne. Who does that? That’s perfectly fine champagne and this is the best use of such a bottle? Taken as a joke or to be sold as a stock photo, this black and white photo better be hiding the fact that this champagne is really just water. If not, we’ll be taking a visit to see this man… but not if he’s still in the bathroom.
